Since the start of March, i’ve dipped in and out of this blog as i’ve felt like it or whenever i’ve had the time to. That’s something i’d previously been very careful not to do. I made time for it. I’m a great believer in habit and the longer i go without blogging in rhythm, the more difficult it become to get back in to rhythm…
Weekend from hell
On Friday, April 1st, i published what i thought would be the first of 30 blog posts in April (one per day). That night, i went to bed making a mental list of the work i had to to on Saturday, writing several blog posts was in amongst that list.
In the early hours of Saturday morning then i was woken by what i thought was heavy rain outside. I was right, it was heavy rain. However i quickly realised that wasn’t the reason why i was awake. I felt nauseous, suddenly, realised i was now inevitably going to be sick and ran through the possible options available to me.
The Plan
Pitch black, 2 doors to go through, at least one flick of a light switch required. Estimated time? 5 seconds.
The Execution
I’m only awake a few minutes so i’m still half asleep and not as alert as i think i am. I drag myself through one door, think i manage to flick a light switch, make it to the second door and then lose balance and collapse head first in to the corner of a bath, possibly knocking myself unconscious. That’s the edited, clean, sanitized version.
What do i remember?
I said i ‘possibly’ knocked myself unconscious because that’s what i was told plus i was lying face down on the floor when i was found (thanks to my body smashing off the bath and tiles on the floor, it didn’t take long before the commotion had woken the house up). However i do remember telling myself, “right, ok, you’re falling now, plus you’re going to be sick… that’s grand, just don’t roll over on to your back otherwise you’re toast”.
photo credit: Michael Cory
Brain’s self defence
It’s amazing how sharp your brain is at times like that. I’ll never forget back in primary school, i took a tumble playing football and i knew immediately it was going to be a hard landing. Rather than brace for impact which is what you’d *expect* your body / mind to do, i was suddenly automatically thinking back to lying in bed with my alarm clock going off… time had slowed down so quickly i was able to literally make myself feel comfortable and warm whilst i was in the air for literally no more than a second.
The landing wasn’t as hard as i’d anticipated and i chalked it down to the fact i was completely ‘out of it’ mentally for that 1 second. I didn’t have a chance to think ‘pain incoming’… they say that’s the best way to approach car crashes or skydiving if your parachute fails to open – just don’t think about it and let your body go limp…. which is almost impossible to do because it’s going against instinct… anyway, like i said my brain just went in to autopilot mode and didn’t give me the chance to think… it must be some sort of self preservation thing… the brain’s equivalent of an airbag…
So that’s why i don’t think i had lost consciousness, time had just slowed down dramatically for me for probably 3 or 4 seconds. Plus this was in the middle of the night so even on a ‘normal’ day, i’d still be pretty slow to react to things.
Headshot
My head was bleeding slightly which i thought was strange because i’d felt no real pain. I knew that was either very serious or simply a small cut and because my elbow and knee were slightly grazed. I reckon i used them to cushion my blow even if i can’t remember doing that. Like i keep saying, it was the middle of the night plus i was nauseous so you’re in that ‘am i dreaming, is this really happening?’ phase.
Anyway, i felt no real pain at the time and haven’t since, plus my battle wounds are almost gone now. No memory loss and i can type and write so that’s how i know i’m ok.
Catch up
Of course now is a bad time for me to be sick, all this week i’ve had presentations, assignments & tests. It’s a similar story next week. On Monday, i really should have been at home. I had two digestive biscuits on Saturday and started eating semi-properly Sunday. On Monday morning i was tired but i’d a business plan presentation later in the day and needed to prepare.
When it comes to college and exams, i’ll drag myself in at all costs and i mean ‘at all costs’. Things just get messy with repeats and sick notes… plus i have to re-prepare myself mentally for the exam which is the most difficult / worst part.
I’ve been fairly busy since then as i’ve had another exam in IT Systems Management on Wednesday plus another in Financial Management today. I’ve also got to get my dissertation binded and submitted by next Thursday. However the good news is, next Thursday will be my last ever day of classes / lectures. The end is in sight. Just 4 more days of college left for me then after that it’s easter holidays, followed by my dissertation presentation followed by final exams.
Creativity Destroyed
We’ve been busy with college work these past couple of weeks plus the pressure was on to get the dissertation finished. Because i’ve been focused on college work so much, i’ve ‘lost’ my sense creativity. It’s as if i’m writing and answering questions and picking up marks but because i’m spending all my time doing that, i just become brain dead in a creative sense. It’s toxic to the brain and i’ll be glad to break free from the chains of college in the summer. I need to start investing my time in things i enjoy doing and am good at.