Sapped of Energy


These past couple of weeks i’ve been doing a lot online. Got my analytics exam passed, got in to 3D design / Photoshop CS5, got a few long, useful blog posts published, set up & am still working on a few new sites and there’s one or two other things that will emerge over the next couple of weeks too…

That’s because i’ve been off college or haven’t been in college much lately. It’s amazing how being in college & working on college stuff just saps the energy out of you. The pace here (i’m writing this blog post now in college) is much slower… learning is a slower process, even walking is a slower process. Perhaps it’s because you’re surrounded by people constantly and question things more or perhaps you just relax more and think less about work… i’m not sure what it is.

It does gives me the opportunity to think, but i prefer to think and do at the same time. Hence the reason i’m writing now and not just thinking. But times like this are rare. Yesterday for example i had an exam at 3pm. Got up at 10am, studied for a bit, came in to college about 1pm, studied some more. Sat exam, left about 5pm, home about 6pm. Eat, go for a swim and it’s 9pm before i get settled back down at home mentally.

Creative Commons License photo credit: btobetun

So my entire day was spent thinking about exams, studying for them, doing them, then warming down mentally after them. The only problem i have with all of that is that i have nothing to show for it. And having something to show for work is becoming increasingly important to me.

College work is long term reward and in the case of these exams the reward isn’t far off. I’ll get my reward next month in the form of results & a degree. Still, i’m not sure i’m happy with that. If i were to drop dead today i’d have nothing of real substance to show for a few years work. Results, yes, but what are results? They show you’ve completed things to certain standards but they don’t actually show the ‘things’ themselves.

It’s different with this blog… i can drop dead safe in the knowledge i’ve something solid to show from my time on earth. Digital words which will hopefully be of use or interest to people long after my time. More recently, i have designs to put to my name too… solid things. Stuff i’ve created, stuff i’ve worked hard on.

Each day with this blog, the reward is creating and knowing i’ve created. I still have to think, learn, think some more and blend all of that in to words. Blog posts are mini exams in themselves. Same with designs. But the reward or result is the final product and it’s a final product i can show and share with people.

Creative Commons License photo credit: james_clear

I can show off my degree, once i get it, but apart from that, the rest is knowledge and memories. Stuff i can’t show off easily and although highly valuable, it’s a ‘reward’ i’d call ‘satisfying’, not truly rewarding. For others though, having your intellectual ability acknowledged is the reward or the confidence boost. For me, that kind of stuff doesn’t interest me or get me excited..

You can probably tell whenever i talk about college or getting a degree that i see it as a formality or no big deal… that’s because i’m aware of what i can do, can potentially do and what i can’t do. A degree just confirms all that. I can judge myself well but a degree is an independent judgement of my ability which i can show and share with other people without having to prove, defend or explain.

Anyway, after tomorrow, it’s all over. 3 years done and dusted. A degree all but in the bag. I’ll finally be able to focus 100% on my online projects and up my work rate…

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