college year 4, semester 7

college lecture

This year should be my last year in college although i have to admit i still haven’t put much thought in to what happens next summer when i finish. Right now, i’m in a funny place… on paper this is turning out to be my best semester so far. I think in all CA work so far i’m averaging about 80%…

Loss of appetite

I usually do well in CA work but not that well. Perhaps they’re being gentle on me with CA marks and will turn up the heat in Christmas exams which are just a few weeks away. Anyway, whilst all is going well with college (when it comes to results), i’m a little disappointed in that i seem to have gone missing a lot from my own web projects.

I’ve lost a bit of passion or drive or something and i’ve no doubt college is to blame. The kind of stuff we’re doing this year requires more thought, more brainpower. The stakes are higher or at least that’s what i tell myself.

However i get my thrills from investing time and energy in web stuff… it doesn’t have to be successful web stuff either. Simply working on projects makes me happy. Right now i know that if i start working on one of my own web projects, there’ll be a voice in my head saying “what about that assignment?” or “this is time that could be spent doing college work”…

Grades -v- Happiness

And this is the dilemma i’m in. In terms of happiness, i’m not happy. If i were to continue like this in IT (just thinking and writing) i’d get fed up easily. Ditch the work rate and attitude of ‘college comes first’ and i would be happier, but it would come at a cost. Lower grades.

Finding a blend is tough, which is why i’m so eager to do a dissertation on social media, something i regard as ‘useful’ and interesting for myself. I have to be selfish with that because it’s gonna eat up a huge amount of my time next year.

As i’ve said recently i don’t want to turn in to a thinker and a talker, i feel that’s the mold being placed around me this year. It’s draining away my natural drive and hunger to make things happen and to build things and to generally get stuck in to things.

This post was sparked by a couple of ideas i had… “ideas” i said to myself. “Now there’s something i haven’t thought about in a while”. And that’s extremely dangerous for me…. i’m naturally thinking all the time and spotting problems, coming up with ideas but over the last few months i’ve very rarely consciously done that. Why? Because i’m thinking about getting good grades and focusing on learning & interpreting work other people have published.

I’ve made myself aware of this for a while now and it’s the reason i bought the mac mini and new monitor (which should arrive tomorrow). I need a technology energy boost and i need to get away from theory work, it’s killing my creativity.

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